Dick Cheney Truth Watch

So Dick Cheney was caught telling the truth this past week. Amazing. Even more amazing, the Boosh administration is now denying that he told the truth...

What am I talking about? I am talking about waterboarding, that most noble of interrogation pasttimes (i.e. torture).

The VP (or should that be TP, for Torture President?) was being interviewed by a conservative talk show host and was asked whether "a dunk in the water" for some suspected terrorists is a "no-brainer". The TP responded, "Well, it's a no brainer for me..."

This truthfulness was a breath of fresh air for Cheney and the Boosh Administration. However, the next day, they realized that being truthful can get you in trouble, because some crazy people concerned about human rights picked up on his statement...

So, the administration reversed course and claimed that Cheney was only talking about a "dunk in the water" and not about waterboarding. For those of you who are clueless out there, waterboarding is where the Boosh administration gestapo strap you to a board, put a cloth bag over your head, and dump water on your head, which induces a severe gag reflex to the point that you think you are drowning. For those of you who have never had a near-drowning experience, it is not a f#cking walk in the park. Anyway, they make you continue to believe that they are crazy enough to kill you until you sign a confession to stop the torture. Then they use that forced confession to try you in a military tribunal where you have no right to see the evidence against you.

According to Wikipedia, waterboarding can cause "extreme pain and damage to the lungs, brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation, and sometimes broken bones because of the restraints applied to the struggling victim. The psychological effects can be long lasting. Waterboarding can also result in death." CIA volunteer agents exposed to waterboarding lasted an average of 14 seconds before capitulating.

For the record:

Pol Pot of the Khmer Rouge used similar tactics; he was the much beloved
leader of Cambodia.

At least one Japanese officer was tried and convicted of waterboarding
during World War II.

The US Department of State formally recognizes Tunisia's poor human rights
record in part due to their propensity for submerging the heads of prisoners in
water.

Anyway, the Boosh administration is now saying that Cheney does not advocate waterboarding but does advocates dunking prisoners in water to elicit confessions... Unless my junior high history classes fail me, that's called dunking or ducking and was used in the Salem Witch Trials to elicit confessions from "witches". The "witch" was tied to a pole that was dunked under water. Duckings were repeated until either the "witch" died by drowning or until she confessed so that she could be put to death another way, such as hanging or burning at the stake...

Since there were a lot of "witches" back then, we know that dunking or ducking or waterboarding are very reliable ways of getting people to confess...


"You know as a matter of common sense that the vice president of the United States is not going to be talking about water boarding. Never would, never does, never will," Snow said. "You think Dick Cheney's going to slip up on something like this? No, come on."

Yes, actually, yes, I do.

OH COME ON! Cheney's denial of his brief episode of truthfulness is ridiculous. It is ridiculous to claim that somehow he was not talking about waterboarding, since waterboarding is all the rage in this Administration and has been in the press ever since it was leaked that the CIA was waterboarding people to obtain confessions.

This is so beyond the pale, it's simply not credible.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THIS ADMINISTRATION CONDONES WATERBOARDING.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THIS ADMINISTRATION REFUSES TO DENY THAT THEY WATERBOARD.

EVERYTIME THAT THEY ARE ASKED ABOUT WATERBOARDING, THEY REFUSE TO ANSWER, THEN REPEAT THE MANTRA "WE DON'T TORTURE"

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THIS ADMINISTRATION WILL BE USING CONFESSIONS GAINED VIA WATERBOARDING AT THESE SO-CALLED MILIATRY TRIBUNALS.

JEEZUZ. THIS MAKES ME SOOOOOO MAD.

When are the american people going to wake up and realize that the whitehorse has been h1jacked by a bunch of immoral and insane lunatics??? I don't want these people "defending" me by torturing people. Period. And I really don't want them torturing me.

I repeat my suggestion that the next time Rumsfeld, Cheney, or the Boosh testify in Congress, we strap them to a waterboard and waterboard them until they confess. (After all, it's not torture, right?)

-John Locke